Dear Future Self:

No matter how pretty you think the sparkly gift wrapping paper is at target next Christmas season, DO NOT buy it! You will be finding glitter on everything in your house from magazines to oranges to your cats. It will not be swiffered up, it will not be dust-busted. No matter how much you try, glitter will be everywhere.

Even if you convince yourself that you can do all the wrapping downstairs and therefore contain all sparkliness - it can't happen. It will get in your hair, in between your toes, and on your fingernails.

So I know that you can be somewhat of a raccoon and the silver paper with shiny, bright, sparkly snowflakes is tempting, don't do it. Just don't. It's not worth the glitter in the cat food later on.

Still vacuuming -

EB

Dear Oriental Trading Company:

Imagine my surprise when I opened up my mail today at my place of work, and found not one, not two, but seven December/January Catalogs from your company. That's right, seven of the exact same catalogs to one address. Three were addressed to the three former secretaries at the church (their employment ranging all the way back to when your company opened) one to the minister, one addressed straight up to just 'The Church', one to a member of the congregation that I am quite sure doesn't receive any of his other mail there, and one to me. (Which, by the way how did you know who I was? We haven't ordered anything from you in years, and I have never interacted with you.)

Anyway, the whole thing seems a little inefficient to me. Seven catalogs for one place? It seems a little excessive. I'm not one to tell you how to run your business, but six of those catalogs ended up straight in the recycling bin. I don't know how much money mailing a catalog is, but if you're doing this to more people than just us, I am sure that you could save quite a bit of money by consolidating.

I would call and tell you all this, but I am too busy mailing out the newsletters that we also email people and put out in hard copy in the foyer for people to pick up.

Wait a second . . .

EB

Dear Facebook:

I have never complained about any of your changes. I have never joined the groups entitled '5,000,000 to get Facebook to change back to it's old format' or 'Click here if you think the new Facebook sucks!' I understand that Facebook will once in a while have to change. And once in a while, it might be weird to figure out, or I might not like it. No one likes change, and hey, me especially.

But I really am kind of upset you won't automatically import my blog now. Because there are four authors, it was really neat to just have one place it posted all entries for us to read, and for our adoring public to read (all two of them). And now I have to do the work, instead of just sitting around and letting you do all the work, which has kind of been my Mode of Operation.

So consider this my one time to tell everybody that you are awful, your changes make me want to punch Mark Zuckerberg in the face, yada, yada, yada.

Unsincerely,

EB