Dear Arby's:

I love your French Dip and Swiss Sandwich -

But not enough to wait 23 minutes in a drive through line.

Sincerely -
Still Hungry.

Dear Neighbor -

Dear Neighbor -
I am just dropping you a note to let you know that your fixation on annoyingly loud cars is very strange to me. It started with a little red thing that apparently had no muffler whatsoever. What I could never understand is why it continued to have no muffler for weeks, months, years. Did you like how loud it was? Did you enjoy that at 6:00 every morning to could put the pedal to the floor and literally wake the entire neighborhood up? Because really, I would be embarrassed. Everything was fine when you got rid of that car, and we thought everything was back to normal, but then you brought home the black car with flames that is currently idling right outside my house and shaking my windows. And if that's not enough, you insist on running the engine all the time, at all hours so that you can work on the engine. Newsflash: If the car sounds that bad, there is no help.

So here's the deal: you stop buying loud annoying cars, and I will pretend to ignore the fact that your kids pee in the backyard. Deal?


Your friendly neighbor -
me