Your attempt to make me like you by appearing on the MTV movie awards on Sunday night did not even come close to that goal. In fact, it was perhaps one of the more awkward things I've seen you do (and I saw parts of Eyes Wide Shut, thankyouverymuch.) I don't believe for a second you are actually friends with Adam Sandler, nor do I believe that Adam Sandler was flatterd that you showed up and introduced him anyway. To me, you will always remain the creepier, arrogant half of an already whacked out couple. Even though I liked you in The Firm, a Few Good Men, Top Gun, and even Samuri, I will never like you personally. That thing with Oprah? That didn't help either, because I'm not particularly a fan of Oprah, either.
Also, I would like to know what is up with the see-through grey sweater you were rocking at the awards on Sunday. Did you know you could see through it to your man-boobs? Was that a deliberate desicion or a really bad stylist sanfu? Inquiring minds would like to know.
Sincerely not yours,
(ever),
Me
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