Dear people who make 'relaxation music' for a living to sell to spas, massage places, and such-

There are some things that are not relaxing and therefore, should not be included in your music. One such noise would be a dolphin call. To an untrained ear, this sounds like a cat fight, or a baby screaming. Neither of those things are relaxing to anybody. I can think of a lot more noises I have heard while listening to 'relaxing' music on our xfm station that are disturbing, but for right now, let's just leave out the screaming dolphins.
Sincerely,
A massage therapist that is forced to listen to your music

Dear Yahoo Sports:

I appreciate that you give me my sports news in a timely and wonderful manner. I like not having to navigate through espn.com sometimes when it is is bogged down with stories and articles I don't care about. But as far as this picture is concerned:




Do you hate KU? Or just Sherron Collins?

Sincerely -
somebody who's got better pictures of Sherron on her phone then you have got on your front page.

Dear Writers, Producers, Cast and Crew of 'Lost':

Still more questions that answers, my friends. Way more questions than answers.

Just waiting -
me

Dear Target Corp:

Well Hello!!

I just wanted to let you know that it might be time to rethink your posters at the end of the check-out aisles that talk about 'Doing Good in the Community'.

It's not that I don't believe you, or that I think the posters are ugly, it's simply a matter of poor graphic design at the bottom of the poster. Your poster advertises that you 'Do Good' with a '%' sign in the middle. But in one of the circles there is a five, to get the message across that 5% of your retail sales go to the community.

I get it, I understand what you are going for, but it looks like your message is 'Do only 5% good, the other %95 is up to you.'

It makes me giggle silently to myself every time.

Just looking out for you,
me

Dear Dwayne Bowe, of the Kansas City Chiefs:

It's too bad that those 'performance enhancing drugs' that you were taking and got suspended for didn't actually enhance your performance. I mean really, if you're going to get caught, at least make it because you had a game with 22 catches for 224 yards and 6 touchdowns, and people are suspicious.

Absolutely not shocked,
me

Dear Facebook-

No, I will not 'become a fan' of Walmart, thank you.

-Emily B

Dear Lady at Target:

Here are some words and phrases that I think you should learn. And after you learn them, you should start teaching them to your kids - because they have obviously never heard them.

1. No
2. Stop
3. Come back here
4. Put that down
5. Don't
6. Unacceptable
7. Don't hit me
8. Don't hit your sister
9. Don't hit strangers
10. No stealing
11. Don't throw things
12. You cannot have candy
13. You cannot have a toy
14. You cannot have a puppy, they don't sell them at Target anyway
15. Timeout
16. Punishment
17. Consequences
18. Rules
19. Be polite
20. No

Sincerely -
the lady your child tried to hit.