Dear Kansas City Chiefs' Cheerleaders:

If it's cold enough to wear your big puffy down coats, perhaps you ahouls also be wearing some pants instead of your bikini bottoms. Just sayin'.

Sincerely -
One of the few Chiefs' fans left.

Dear tasteless truck-drivers,

(As suggested by Cygnus...)

Come, come, now. Let's be reasonable. You are a tool.

The earth will experience more than one ice age before I roll down my window on the highway and give my phone number to you, despite your waving and nodding, and the fact that you've been driving adjacent to me for the past mile and a half. Why? Because you are a tool. How do I know this? Easy.
1. You have a sticker on your window that says "My other toy has tits."
2. You have empty boxes of Natural Light in your truck bed.
3. You have bull testicles hanging from your hitch. Which, of course, means that your balls are showing. And no matter the situation, all other things being equal, if I can say to you "Excuse me, but your balls are showing." I've gained the upper hand. Indefinitely.

Sincerely (singing),

Nevagonnagetitnevagonnagetit

Dear FAFSA

I hate you. I wish I could understand your cruel, cold-hearted ways. How you give me the run-around for days with your hundreds of forms and ugly fill-in-the-blanks. You stare blankly back at me when I yell at you. And then, after all we've been through together, you tell me that you expect me to contribute 44% of my annual income to my education. What are you, a sub-prime mortgage!?

Bastard.

Sincerely,

Future MPA, no thanks to you.