Dear lady behind me yesterday on Metcalf:

Trying to light a cigarette, replace your phone battery, and see over the dog on your lap does not a good driving situation make.

Pull over.

Sincerely,
The lady you gave the middle finger to when you were too distracted to see I was there, and almost careened into the back of me. (Clearly my fault, I deserved that middle finger.)

Dear Slim-Fast Optima Peanut Butter Crunch 120 calorie snack bars:

I though you were going to be lame. I admit, I did not hold much hope for you, especially after trying some of the other products in your line.

(I mean really, have you tasted whet your people call a meal bar? )

But oh, sweet, dear, lovely, delicious snack bar.....you are the answer to my midday drudgery, my post-mail stupor, you are the deliciousness that quenches my hunger.....and all because you my love, tatse exactly like a Butterfinger bar....

Thank you.

-Peanut butter-ally satisfied,
Me.